Self Aware and Self Conscious

by Amy Bruce Spaceshow

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00:35
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01:15
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01:43
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02:38
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01:47

credits

released March 14, 2013

This album couldn't have been made without the help of my friends.

Thanks to Colin and Ryan for giving me a place to record when my parents were sick of me.
Thanks to Oscar for the art.
Thanks to Ryan for letting me use his guitar to record.
Thanks to Joe, Kyle, Ryan and Colin for doing some group singing with me.
Thanks to Jesse for letting me put "Shitty Friend" on folk-o-rama 2.
Thanks to my friends and family for putting up with me.

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Amy Bruce Spaceshow New Lenox, Illinois

These songs are the result of writing and recording music in my bedroom for the last few years. In other words; it's free for a reason.

If you want to talk or chords to a song send me an email!
mattjpollock2@gmail.com
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Track Name: Eventually Great
When I was a kid I was excited as can be. The world was my oyster I could do anything. I think that was due to my uncertainty because the more I figure out who I happen to be I get more stressed and I get more depressed and I lose more and more hours of rest. And I always feel like I'm an unwelcome guest on the surface of the earth's chest. So I write suicide notes and put them over chords and call them songs. And I'm starting to hate the things I once adored so why do I bother at all? But there is not enough time to feel stressed and depressed and be filled with self-hate. I need to start making my life better and eventually great.
Track Name: Amy Brucitis
One day I will call you up and I'll apologize for always having bad days and for coming up with lies just so I wouldn't have to give up the comfort of my home and take the risk of not always being all alone. Please don't take my social awkwardness and my anxieties as a way of saying I dislike I just feel like a disease. And the last thing that I want is for you to come down with a case of me but I'm willing to try so will you answer your phone please?
Track Name: Shitty Friend
I have no idea why, but I can't get this scent out of my nose. It smells like my old friend's uncle's swimming pool. The one I used to visit those years ago. But I don't go there anymore because I don't have the same friends I did before. I was always bad at making amends and I'm always wrong at predicting lifelong friends. (I'm a shitty friend) (I hope I'm not wrong about you.)
Track Name: Personal Philosophies
The end is nigh but the beginning is upon us. So let's lie on the grass and watch the stars while they watch us and watch earth and time collide but to me that's fine if you're by my side. We can talk of everything that we've ever known. What's behind the stars, who we really are and how much we've grown and our personal philosophies and how they mean the world to me. Let's forget the world and all who inhabit it and drain our minds to a point where we seem fit. We can get lost at a utopian sea where we're riding a boat made of how great we're feeling. But I doubt that will happen due to the fact that I'm afraid of how you'd react if you knew just how much I miss you.
Track Name: Self Aware and Self Conscious (This song is also prone to shitty guitar solos)
I try my hardest not to let my depression get the best of me. I try my hardest to let my personality be the only thing that defines me. I don't want to be defined by where I fucking drink coffee or by what clothes that I wear. What stupid bands I like to listen to or how I style my hair. Nor my sexual orientation nor if I like the body in which I was born in nor my past or who the fuck I've been. But I'm usually too quiet and I"m rarely too loud I'm self aware and I'm self conscious and that makes me feel ashamed and proud. I'm more of a product of my mother and father than I am a product of your fucking society. I wasn't made to fit your boxes your boxes were made to fit me. And I developed a sense of morality when I addressed all the things that bothered me. I need to believe what I believe and not just what others tell me. (I'm more of a product of my mother and father than I am a product of the people that I bother)
Track Name: f5
f5 f5 I hit that key all the time. I'm wasting my life but hey that's just fine. And it seems with each upcoming night I grow more and more hateful of the sunlight. I'm scared at the thought of going outside and I'm the last person who can tell you why I suck at hellos and I suck at goodbyes and I'm consistently trying my hardest just to get by. I care that I don't care about everything when I sit alone in my room doing absolutely nothing. And I shouldn't let it get to me. But I have nothing else to do besides just sit around and sing.
Track Name: Daily Basis
Everyone I miss on a daily basis fill every single notebook I've ever owned. And I miss some more than I do others. Loneliness is just something I can't outgrow. And pain and shame are too close of rhymes for me not to use them all the time. Another song where I complain and whine. Self loathing and introspection lazily combined. Well my songs are too short or they're too long. No matter what I do it always comes out wrong. I haven't said enough or I've said too much. I've said this all before and such is such. I hate these stupid songs that I sing. And one day soon you'll all see what I mean. And as to why I still sing them I don't have a clue. I fucking hate myself and you should hate me too.
Track Name: Teenage Angst Song #(Really big number) in the key of C# Maj.
I go to bed every night but I don't get an ounce of sleep. Because I'm too busy thinking about how one day I'll be stuck in a coffin and how that comforts me. And I know I shouldn't take comfort in such morbid things, but my self loathing has proven to be too much. I've been unhappy for so long, nothing can pull out of this shitty stuff. You said you want to give me the self-confidence, the kind the you wish you had. You said you want to make me happy but I'm still so god damn sad. And it has nothing to do with you. And at times it seems that I don't care but you have to understand I'm broken beyond repair. As angsty as it sounds I'm broken beyond repair. Music makes my headache and nothing makes my heartache like it did back in June. The songs I wrote back then are no longer relevant yet I'm still trapped in my own cocoon. That's the last time I act on impulse for sure, like I did on that halloween night. As soon as those words came out of my mouth no it just didn't feel right. I fell in and out of love in under six months and everything I once felt now is gone. And I'm sorry for putting it into a song. (I really am)
Track Name: Sleep Talking (Tyler's Song)
oooooohhhhhhhhh
Track Name: Forgetful
I really fucking hate being so forgetful it makes everything harder on me. Because of course I should have remembered too many forgotten things. I can't remember what I was going to say. Oh shit I think I have a paper due today. With my inability to remember the past I don't know how long I can last. I constantly catch myself wondering if I'll ever sing what I want to sing. How can I get my point across with this memory loss? *Van Morrison break* I really fucking love being so forgetful it makes everything so easy. Because I don't have to remember all of my bad dreams for more than a few days. I don't remember what I was like before I changed. I like to think it was more for the better than worse but really who is to say? And I know at times it may seem innocently fucking adorable but I have to tell you man living this way is fucking horrible. I don't remember what I was doing this time last year I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. And as to what I am I am unsure. God I hope there is a cure to help me remember all of the shit that I once wanted to forget. What did I do in this parking lot I need to finish this train of thought. Fuck my memory loss.
Track Name: Everything's Not Okay
If I’m freaking out over nothing then why am I so stressed? If there is really nothing wrong then why am I depressed? Maybe it’s something in the air. Maybe it’s just bad luck. Maybe it’s my lack of prayer. Maybe this is growing up. I just feel so worthless every single night and day. And I’m sorry you’re well-intentioned but I’m just a teenage cliché. Stop convincing me I’m crazy and hear what I have to say. And I don’t mean to complain but everything’s not okay
Track Name: Banbury
I watched the sunset in my dad's old neighborhood. I drove past the old house where he was raised real good. I drove on the roads he drove on when he was my age and the sun set silently on the earth's stage. The sky turned dark and the stars started to show. So I sat on my moms car and enjoyed the spaceshow. And as the streetlights reacted to the fading day that's when I swore I could hear my dad say "Son everyone grows up and everybody dies. Someday this will all be gone and we wont be alive. Son it's happening to me and it's happening to you too. One day I was your age and the next thing I knew I got a degree and I found a career I met your mother and we made our way back here. I retired from my job and your sister was born and I lost control of my leg due to my faulty spinal cord. But your grandfather told me you got to live with what you get and that life's not something for you to resent Son you have to try your hardest to be content and you're not really living if you're living in regret."